I am a control freak. I don’t really put this particular trait on the surface, but I know for sure it is there within me. Put me under pressure and it would roar out like a monster.
Sometimes being a control freak allows me to get what I want the way how I want it to be. But most of the times, it would make me tired. It would drain me out because when things are not going my way, I would end up having a hard time accepting it.
Before we move on, let me warn you that this is not one of our usual blog posts as I’m gonna get a bit personal. If you’re good with it, do continue scrolling to the next paragraph.
“Let Me hold your heart. Learn to trust me fully.You’ve been busy controlling everything, no wonder you find yourselves tired all the time. Rest and have My peace.”
It hit me like a lightning. I was indeed busy taking control of my life. I’ve been having a hard time trusting others to make decisions upon something that I see crucial and would put my reputation, my life, my work, my my my other things, at risk. As I thought about this, most of the time, it’s not other people that I have a trust issue with. It’s God.
I never fully let Him being in control of my life. I never fully trusting Him with the end result. I strived. I tried. I pushed forward. But not for His will to happen. It was always for my will to happen.
Last night, through a simple experience, He taught me something significant.
It was just another day where I left my office by using an online transportation service, mostly Go-Jek, but last night I tried Uber Motor. Normally, I would check my Google maps to see which best route to take, because I don’t want to get stuck in the traffic. However, last night, I forgot to check the map first. The driver asked me which route that I want to take and I just shrugged. I told him, any route will do as long as we don’t get stuck in the traffic.
By “any route”, my expectation was for him to take my common route. It’s not fair, I know. I didn’t communicate it to the driver, so expecting him to read my mind was just ridiculous.
Voila, the driver chose other route that I’m not familiar with. The control freak in me, kicked in, “Grab your phone now, and open the maps, so you’ll know that this driver is not taking you to the wrong direction, a longer route, which might gonna cost you more time and money (the longer the route, the more you have to pay).”
But, I was too lazy to pull out my phone. So I just tagged along. Even though I felt uneasy because he took me to narrow and dark streets, passing by a cemetery (which I never knew existed in this area). To spice things up, we also got stuck in a traffic for like few minutes. Again, the control freak in me said, “This is what happen when you’re not in control. What happen to you? Normally, at this point you would be pissed, interrupt the driver and tell him to re-route.”
Few minutes later, I began to recognize the streets. I was relieved. We were back to the route that I’m familiar with, and we were already near my destination. Apparently the route that the driver took was a faster route. It was a bit unusual for me, but it was faster. I slightly felt guilty for being suspicious towards the driver.
Out of this experience, I learned, firstly, that sometimes we want life to be as detail as a map. We always want to know the next route to take. Which decision to make. Is it right or left? Where would I end up? Most of the time, you won’t know the answer to some of the biggest cross roads in life. You’ll only figure it out later when you already took the risk and made the decision.
What we need is not a map. What we need is a compass. It doesn’t matter which route to take as long as we know that we are heading towards the right direction.
Secondly, I learned that if a mere human being, can be trusted to take us to the direction that we want using the route that he is familiar with – A route that might be unusual for you, but apparently faster than the other common routes that people know.
Wouldn’t it be far more greater and beneficial for you to fully trust God (The God who has single-handedly created the universe and also at the same time designed your life) with your walk in life?
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
Write to you later,